My Uncensored Take on White Lies

I have never considered my attitude towards white lies.. but since you’ve pushed me to think of it, then – I think I agree with you and your grandma. White lies were invented because some people don’t have the ability to say harsh things in a more soft way (like ‘I think the other dress would look better’ instead of ‘oh, yes – you look fabulous in this one!’ and then you have to walk around town with your friend dressed like a weirdo ;P) Of course, as always, it’s a bigger case and it influences many fields of our daily lives – as you have mentioned. But resolution seems to be very very simple – DON’T LIE! Maybe you could engage your readers in a bit of practice in truth telling – let’s visit each others’ links attached to names and point out all the mistakes we can find at first glance No sweet toppings, just things to upgrade/change/toss away. What do you think? That would make quite a conversation!

Mayi, If I’m being totally transparent + completely honest, I must admit that I use a white lie or two in the area of my hubby + finances. I am really just so terrible when it comes to talking biz finances with the hubby, I’ve operated under the “don’t ask me + I won’t tell you” way of thinking for a long, long time, totally a hubby only issue + I’m working on it, but it’s super hard to be totally honest + no “white lies” in the hubby area + that’s the total truth + I’m working on it, I promise!!!

Hmmm, yeah. White lies… I used to lie about so many things, just because I felt insecure or not cool enough or something. But in time it gets harder and harder to sustain and you loose track of what you told to who about ‘yourself’. So I’m now pretty much done with all those lies, I just can be myself and be proud of it. Because I’m cool and good exactly the way I am. Adelaida, I also love your idea. People: feel free to visit my blog and please give me feedback if you have. I’d want to know if I made some blogging-mistakes, wouldn’t you?

Ok, so I’ll give it a start. Kimberley, I took a look at your website. I hope you’re ok with me feedback-ing your site? I’d never seen it and I really like it. I happen to be a lover of stationery too! I like the colors on your site, it’s nice and summery. I’m personally not that fond of the font you use in your messages, but maybe that’s just my taste… And I’d suggest you make the menu-buttons (Home, about me, my why, etc.) a little larger, cause like this it’s easily overlooked. But I really like it that you’ve got this ‘my why’-page, great idea to give your customers/visitors a look inside your heart and life. Let me know if you agree on my feedback, cause I’ve never done this before… That’s it. Or actually, I’ve got a question to everybody who wants to answer. I’m considering to move my blog from Blogger to WordPress. What are your experiences with WordPress? I’d love to know.

Honesty is the best policy!! I love you, Mayi! So I would feel like a bad reader to not point out your misspelling in the headline – “Uncensured” has an O in it — Uncensored!

I find that I have a hard time hearing the truth sometimes, but I know that’s something I need to work on. There’s nothing wrong with honestly as long as it’s delivered in a caring, tactful manner. I get a lot of practice with this when I grade essays for my English students. If their essay is a huge mess, I can’t just tell them it’s good and move on. I find the best method of delivering honesty is what I call a “praise sandwich”, where I sandwich the hard truth with the good points so I start and end on an encouraging note. If someone’s essay is a disaster, I’ll say something like “You picked a great topic and you bring up some really valid points in this essay, but you need work on blah blah blah. But, I really loved your word choice in this sentence.” It works realyl well for my students, and I think for people in general.

Hi Mayi! I agree with you for sure. Transparency and speaking with your heart is crucial in life and business. I know it is a little bit different, but I think it is important to note that I have on more than one occasion seen the “truth” to be an excuse as a way to criticize somebody. (Rarely happens but actually had to ‘de-friend’ and distance myself from an habitual “truthteller” who would criticize and humiliate her husband in public for gaining weight, for example, among many, many others, always under the guise of “just being honest”) Being truthful is necessary, but it is also important to note that other golden rule that we should sometimes keep at the forefront…you know the one our grandma told us, “if you have nothing nice to say, than don’t say it” If you have great advice in a positive and uplifting, helpful way and can communicate it as such, go for it. Sometimes being an encourager of somebody and leaving them feeling MORE empowered is the way to go. Thanks for your videos! love them! Sarena

Love it love it love it! There is no integrity without transparency. Many people seem to have trouble with this online. It is very easy to click ‘send’ without double-checking what you’ve said, Facebook is full of that nonsense! Always be sure that whatever you post is true to who you are but maintains respect for others. You can be critical without being nasty, if you’re not being lazy. On a business front, sharing more of who you truly are gains a lot of points with your customer. And it just feels so much better to be yourself!

Mayi, you can really do magic with these hard topics, girl! You do make then lighter just by presenting them in a fun way, but nevertheless you maintain the necessary seriousness! Way to go! Thank you! Now, my take on this “white lie” thing… You really got me thinking! I’m all for honesty, but I do realize I’ve said a couple of “white lies” all through my life (like when you got to work late and you need to have a good excuse to give your boss… ops!!!), and many came back to bite my on my butt later on. So they aren’t that great, now are they? Eventhough, I do understand the necessity to protect one’s feelings and sometimes finding a tender way to speak the truth just isn’t enought (for instance, when you get a lousy gift from that dear old aunt that loves you so dearly and is so happy with her choice and wants you to love it so so much – a half truth, perhaps? Like “it’s cute, but not really my style”?)… But when it comes to your business and your way to be in life, there’s nothing you should even think of than to always be truthfull. Otherwise, no one will ever take you seriously! On to the challenge (and I loved this one! Hope I do get to have someone feedbacking me on my blog…)! Kim, you’re above me, but your blog has already been reviewed (and I totally agree with what’s been said and understand your side), so I’ll talk about Sarena’s! So, hey Sarena! I got to tell you, it’s quite brave of you to present yourself first hand on the blog! Loved the illustrations (why is it that only one of those form the menu has a frame around?) and the header and the simplicity of it all, only the section at the end and the newsletter box are a bit rude and don’t quite fit in with the beauty from above… Your photo is really captivating and strangelly misterious, but I must say that hand that seems to come from nowhere holding your head feels kind of strange. Now OMG so many Sarena’s on the soapbox! Are we being invaded? (just kidding, but maybe you could just leave one photo from you there and keep the posts clean or have different images illustrating each of them – perhaps one of your precious illustrations or art works?) Nothing else to add, all the rest feels (and yes, it feels) so calm and inviting! XOXO Cathy PS – To the person who gives me feedback on my blog, could you please also leave it in a comment on my own blog, just in case I miss it here? I’d really love to hear from any of you! Thanks

Fantastic, my dear! It’s just so much easier to always tell the truth.

I totally agree with you Mayi! Love this video and topic. Sometimes I get put in a difficult position as a designer when people are sooooo excited about a website launch (designed by someone else) and I don’t think it’s that great. In the cases that they have NOT asked my opinion, I will share something that I DO like and try to give some constructive thoughts too. So I might say “I love the colors, I might tweak this or that…” because I don’t want to step on toes when it’s not my client and I wasn’t asked. If someone asks me, I do like your example, I start with what works, what I like and what’s awesome. Then I go into what’s not working and WHY. There’s always a nice and constructive way to be truthful with someone if you’re worried they’ll be sensitive. I’m a highly sensitive person, so I do my best to give solid truthful feedback in a kind way. I know that when I ask for feedback, as much as I love positive reinforcement, I WANT to know where I can improve!! I want the truth and I want honesty. xo

@Mayi Thank you! That’s exactly what no one has told me! Fixed it, hope it’s better now @Jocelin I think that the background is too much. It could be OK if in more muted colours. And probably there are set too many posts per page – for slower Internet users it may take too much time to load. But first of all – the background @MCKella This ‘praise sandwich’ is a great idea! Sometimes truth is really too harsh to just say it as it is – it tastes better when dressed in pretty clothes And those praises are also truth so there’s no lie included. @Cathy First thing I saw when opening your site, and probably most people see it first too, is your photo. I think it should be more… happy With more light and your hair off your face so we all can see you right. I also think that there is too much text all around. Maybe you could make only one side column? Well, that’s a nice conversation you’ve got here Mayi ^__^

Thanks, Mayi. Very refreshing to hear your take on lies. My personal philosophy has always been: A person who will lie about one thing will lie about another……so distrust rears its head and ruins relationships. The beauty of truth is that it never changes so you don’t have to worry about remembering. Personally, I wish all of our politicians could take a lesson from you……transparency would make it so much easier to know for whom to vote.

Thank you!!!! I can’t stand lies. Any lies! Even “well-intended” lies. I think things can be said constructively, politely, nicely…but honestly. Always. I’m teaching my daughter to tell the honest un-filtered truth. I’m in for the website feedback too! Marian, I like what you do…I have several kids, and I’m always looking for cute clothes for them. But IMHO, I think the font is a little small, and you should have links/buttons to the stuff you mention. You mention your link, but you could just have a link to your blog in your upper menu. At the very least, the link could be clickable. And you could have a button to your Etsy shop in your side bar. People are lazy, lol. We don’t want to have to copy & paste the link..we want to just click it. I think your logo is adorable though!

Mayi, Great video about a touchy subject. I think many of your viewers have touched on this in some way but I wanted to say that I believe, ultimately, that honesty is more thoughtful. It takes a lot more love+respect to actually think about your opinion and deliver it in a truthful loving way than it does to just lie and give an easy answer. When it comes to business receiving honest feedback is vital for growth. Polite lies lead you nowhere. Have a great week Mayi, I can’t wait to see what you have in the works for next week, especially with that gorgeous new set up!