Are you thinking about quitting your day job to starting a business?
Before you send your resignation letter to your boss + quit the 9 to 5 grind (or more like 8 to 8 prison) or swap your cubicle for a home studio, please let me chime in to give you a few pointers.
What does it take to be your own girl boss? If I had a time machine, these are the things I would tell my 5-years-ago-self to be in the lookout for.
Well, you’ll have to press play to find out more.
Here’s a quick rundown of what we covered in today’s video:
1. Do the work.
2. Ignore everyone.
3. Never stop learning.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. The Upside-Down Triangle
6. Done is better than perfect.
7. Stop trying to man up.
8. Believe you can.
And that’s the advice I’ve got for my fellow girl bosses to be. Was it helpful? Oh I really hope it was.
Do you have a friend who’s thinking about starting their own thing? Send them this video please.
Thanks for watching + helping me spread the word.
Talk to you soon.
Let’s be realistic. There are a TON of “lose-the-baby-weight-and-get-back-into-your-skinny-jeans” articles floating around.
This post ain’t one of them.
I’m not gonna tell to only cook organic meals from now on, to hit the gym every morning at 7 a.m. or to give up pizza. Let’s be serious.
Getting healthy after giving birth to Olivia was hell. I mean hard. Ain’t gonna lie. Do you think a sleep deprived momma wants to drink a green smoothie for breakfast after being peed on at 4am? No! Moms want a crepes filled with banana + heavily drizzled with Nutella.
So evidently, it took a while.
To put things into perspective, the day Olivia turned one I was still holding on to my maternity stretchy pants for dear life. That made me feel a little sad, ya’ know?
I promised myself, next Monday I would start eating healthy. I would start working out again. But that day never came.
Months when by + I kept on eating burgers + lava cakes + ordering take out to take the edge off.
The tipping point for me was the day I was playing with Olivia in my closet + I saw her step into the scale. Of course she can’t grasp the concept of “weighing herself” yet. But that visual hit home for me, ya know?
And there I found it. My motivator. My manifesto. The something bigger than myself I was looking for. A great enough WHY. A mission that could keep me going on the hard days when I feel like eating the entire fridge.
My T-Rex WHY is my daughter. She’s going to need a happy + healthy + sane momma to look up to when all the media is telling her that unless she’s 100 pounds, she is unworthy. Not under my watch.
So here’s my Mommy-festo: I shall attempt to not pass down my own messed up body issues to my daughter for she deserves a strong + confident mom that loves + respects herself, stretch marked + birth scar + cellulite , n all.
In this video I’m going to share with you the 10 healthy game-changers that helped me say goodbye to my pregnancy clothes and hello with open armed to this new body, my home with grace + gratitude.
Press play to dive right in.
Here’s a quick rundown of the 10 habits that helped me say “Esta La Vista Baby” to my preggo clothes:
1. I stopped trying to exercise.
2. I cleaned my palate.
3. I turned meal planning is a family affair.
4. I take grocery shopping seriously.
5. I adopt a “meatless Monday” mentality.
6. I stopped eating Olivia’s left overs (cough cough animal crackers), if I’m not really hungry.
7. I stopped joking about being a mombie (a mom zombie).
8. I ditched strict rules about what are “good foods” vs. “bad foods”.
9. I splurge on special occasions.
10. I no longer want my body back.
And there you have it folks. I started these healthy changes August 1st, so roughly 3 months ago. Today I’m happy to report that I feel lighter + happier.
Hope this video has motivated you, inspired you to continue on your own path to feeling your best.
Got some healthy tips of your own to add to the mix? Drop them in the comments below. I’m always up for an upgrade.
Talk to you soon.
I can’t believe its been a year already. I mean, we just brought her home, like so little ago! Now she is one. ONE you guys!!! How could one feel so huge?
I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what to get Baby O (or should I call her Little O now?) on her first birthday. She is beautifully uncomplicated. Would rather play with Tupperwares + keys + boxes + TV remotes, than most toys. Simple things. They make her totally happy.
New cute clothes + hair accessories + shoes, those things would only be for me, she’d rather be naked!
So, I stayed up late writing her a heartfelt, teary-eyed mommy to daughter letter (the first of a lifetime of birthday letters I supposed).
Here I go.
To my beautiful daughter on your first birthday,
You turned ONE! Un añito mi pequeña malvabiscos.
I always thought that at your first birthday party I’d be sitting in a dark corner sticking nails in my eyes in protest of you turning one. Of course, it’s bitter sweet to see how quickly time is passing + how fast you are growing up, but it’s also so incredibly exciting to witness you bloom. So, for the time being, I will hold off the protesting in exchange of watching you become you.
It’s been a heck of a year.
I‘ll never forget the first day we brought you home from the hospital. You were so teeny tiny, remember? I was afraid to get you out of the car seat… I was panicking about walking you up the stairs to your room… I was terrified to be left unsupervised + expected to keep you alive.
Your dad + I were like, “Alright, we’re a family of three now. We’ve got this.” Of course, we really had no idea what we were doing. I sure had no idea what I was doing or what being a mother truly meant. My! How quickly things have changed.
With each new day + passing milestone, I would say, “OH! This THIS is my favorite stage!” Then I would find myself saying the exact same thing the next day. And the next. And the week after that. I quickly learned that each day is better than the day before when you’re around.
In a way, we all grew together over the past year. You learned many things, we learned many things.
You learned to laugh, and I learned that your giggle is my new favorite sound in life.
You learned to point point point your finger at things, and I learned that you are a girl who knows exactly what she wants.
You learned to say “papapapapa” + “mamamamamamamama”. Then you learned to say “agua” + “Peppa Pig”, and I learned you are one smart cookie.
You learned to nurse, and I learned that breastfeeding you on demand for 12 months wasn’t a sacrifice at all. It was the greatest gift. Despite the social pressures + awkward interrogations, I cherish the memories of having you so close to me, wrapped in my arms. Our happy place.
You learned to push doors + open drawers, and I learned that nothing could ever get in your way. You’re surely on a mission. And I’m psyched to be Hand of The Queen.
You learned to eat solids, and I learned you don’t care much for spoon planes or purees, you would rather grab your meal with your own chubby little fingers, don’t you? So I channeled my energy at researching every nutritional fact about every food + cooked for you every day so you could grow strong. Did you know, petit pois, your favorites, are very high in fiber, which is essential to ensure regular bowel movements? But let’s leave poo for another time, shall we?
You learned to push your little cart everywhere, go places by yourself, and I learned to stop chasing you, learned to let you go. Mi vasquita, you are so painfully independent, yet always find a way back into my arms.
You learned to roll over, to crawl, to sit up, to take your first steps, and I suddenly learned that you wouldn’t stay a baby forever. That’s alright! No matter how many candles you blow, as long as I’m your momma, in my heart my baby you will always be.
It’s been a heck of a year.
Funny thing is, in many ways, you taught us more than we taught you.
Each day I watch you learn + explore the world around you + I find myself getting excited about the simple joys in life again.
The love you have for the wind…
The way you gaze at the trees…
How you light up when you see a bird…
Your need to ring every door bell + flicking every light switch…
Your pull towards grandma’s coo coo clock…
The fascination you have with swimming pools…
Your obsession with my office supplies…
Your intrigue at whatever dad’s eating. (By the way, that’s how we get you to try most things, we just put it on daddy’s plate. Works every time!)
Enjoying the little things with you was been the bestest!
I’ve learned to see the world through your eyes + suddenly, everything is even more amazing.
I love being your personal jungle gym.
I love being your favorite pillow.
I love being your safety blanket.
I love loving life with you!
I have been determined to soak up every day with you, especially since you waste no time growing up.
It’s been a heck of a year.
I took you to the ocean, and you crawled straight into it, fearless, with purpose. You are a total beach babe. That’s why daddy calls you Sirenita (translation: Little Mermaid). You love the water so much, since day one.
I took you to the movies to see The Force Awakens dressed up as R2D2. The force is strong in you child. Feel it. It’s calling to you!
I took you on playdates with your besties Isa Mar + Martina. You shared with them your Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs set, which is your fave. I saw you. And I was so proud of you baby.
I took you to Puerto Rico + flew you on an 8-passenger charger to Vieques to attended your first wedding par-TAY!!!
I took you to Disney World + dressed you up as Snow White, the cutest princess in the magical kingdom. We then sailed away on the Disney Cruise through the Caribbean + dressed you up as the cutest pirate in the seven seas.
But mostly, we spent our days in “goofball island”, which happens to be my favorite also.
You love playing “pick a boo”. You will look me in the eye, grab the closest pillow or blanky you can find, cover your face with it, hold still for a second, then remove it really quick, and surprise me with the biggest giggle. Donde esta Olivia??? Allí esta Olivia!!!
You love books, specially the ones with animals. The lion is your absolute favorite. How do I know? Cuz you “rooooar” when we land on the African safari page.
You love banana bread. Makes you incredibly hyper, so we only feed you that on rare occasions.
You love circling coffee tables like an Olympic athlete doing laps. And while you’re at it, you make sure to knock every piece of decor in your reach + rearrange it to your liking. It’s a skill.
You love Barney. I swore an oath I would never endorse that purple dinosaur in my house, but you LOVE IT. I mean LOVE IT. Okaaaaay. You win.
You love cruising around with movable furniture + making me chase you.
You love tickle fights. And sword fights (ahem ahem, I mean paper straw fights) too.
You love when your grandparents come to visit, so much. And your God Mother too. Heck, you love when the entire clan of comes over.
You love to kidnap our phones + pretend to talk on it. Alooooo!!!
You love Iker, your big cousin, the greatest baby sitter of all time. It’s the only time you ignore us. No complaining. We gladly use this moment to sit by the sidelines + catch our breath + have a cocktail with an umbrella.
Oh! And you LOVE music. You dance + hum anytime you hear it. You love when Abuelo Cutito plays the guitar + sings to you. And you love drumming to the beat on papa bears belly so much.
It’s been a heck of a year.
For the record, you’ve never been a great sleeper. You have too much to look at + do for any of that nonsense.
We joke, “Winter is coming” every time the sun is setting.
Yeah. Bedtime has been difficult. I just try to remember how hard it must be to be for you, being so new in this world, thought most of the time I wish you would just fall asleep already for 8 hours straight, preferably in your own mattress, ideally in your own room.
Then it dawns on me that one day you won’t want me singing 12 lullabies or reading 5 books. And that day, I’ll long for the nights I used to rub your little back to help you fall asleep. But mostly, I will miss watching a tu papa check your breathing every 3 minutes to double check you’re still alive. It’s hilarious.
So for now, we’re okay with Plan B: Letting you sleep in our room tonight.
It will soon be over.
It’s been a heck of a year.
Oh! And do you know why we call you Terremotin (alias Mounstrito)? Because changing your clothes, or diapers for that matter, is like wrestling with a greased Tazmanian devil. You are so not a fan of being still, let me tell ya’.
And you absolutely love being naked! I let you once, be all clothes-less + diaper-less, but it didn’t end pretty. About 30 seconds in I found myself wiping up pee off the floor. So until you’re all potty training will hold off on being naked, alright?
It’s been a heck of a year.
And have I told you how stunningly beautiful you are? Your Minnie Mouse lashes + gorgeous dark blue eyes have, literally, stopped strangers in their tracks. (What a beautiful baby!)
But even more mesmerizing than your looks, is the beauty of your personality. It amazes everyone that meets you. Wherever we are, you wave + throw kisses + give high fives + clap your hands, as if you were part of the welcoming committee. Everyone wants to be around you. It’s a pull. You’ve got it.
It’s been a heck of a year.
We did it, Miss Olivia. We survived the first round!
As you can probably tell, forty weeks inside my belly wasn’t enough time to prepare my heart for the magnitude of “motherly love”. I’m convinced that’s why moms cry so much, ya’ know? Cuz we have so much love in us, it can’t possibly fit all inside our bodies, so we overflow. That’s what tears are, joy exploding out of our eyes like liquid confetti.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: I am so grateful that you chose me to be your mommy Olivia. You know I asked for you too, right? Dad + I both did. We wished for you… dreamed about you… waited our whole lives for you. You are our bucket list. I want you to know that.
Thank you for the lessons + the laughter + the wake up calls of what’s truly important in life. Thanks for changing me forever + bringing out the best in me. You make me want to be better + do better, not only as a mother but as a wife + sister + daughter + friend. You’re like a lil’ performance enhancing happy hippo pill.
I hope when you’re able to read this letter, years down the road, you will smile, and know that the day you were born was the happiest day of my life. And my first year as a mother my greatest adventure!
Happy 1st b-day sweetheart!
Your dad + I love you very VERY much.
Te amo infinito,
The other day I was talking to my friend Farideh about the challenge of being a new mom + an entrepreneur. She shared with me this quote, which pretty much sums it up: You want to work like you never had children and you want to be a mom like you don’t have a business.
Every mom/entrepreneur in the room is shaking her head up + down right now. I know it.
For months I’ve been dreading this day. The day I had to pick up my slack + get back to the office. The day I had to become both a girl boss AND a mom, like, AT THE SAME TIME. I mean, cuz I know how to do the girl boss thing on it’s own. Even mastered the mommy thing during maternity leave. But! BOTH. Damn it!!!
For months I’ve been dreading this day. The day I had to embody the challenge of wanting to work like I didn’t have a baby to love + wanting to be a mom like I didn’t have a creative empire to run.
It’s the whispers that affect me the most, ya’ know? The little voices inside my head that tell me what I could or should be doing. The gremlins that lure me out of gratitude + happiness. The mental script that teases me into comparing myself with strangers on the Internet. Those moms that are making homemade play dough + wearing Baby & Me matching outfits, while I’m here all like, “I got out of bed + brushed my hair. Go me!”
I guess it all comes back to fear. Fear of missing out. Missing out on being good enough. A good enough CEO. A good enough mom. It’s my struggle, and I suspect in some ways, it’s yours too. That fear of falling into the cracks of mediocrity… of abandoning our path… of walking out of our true calling… of giving up those precious moments that hold meaning to us so we can prove that we aren’t missing out.
And of course we know inside our hearts that we are everything. E-VERY-THING. That we are exactly where we need to be. On course. On track. Right here. Except when we skip a nap or breakfast because we said YES when we really meant NO. Those times, we really do miss out, on our own live.
Know what I discovered? That we cannot trade living life for what-if, because we’re afraid to miss out a big opportunity, the one that could be our big break. You know what my biggest break was this week? Watching Olivia say “PAH-pa-pa-pa-pa-PAAA-pa” for the first time.
In a way these past months have been about finding the courage to enjoy NOW for what is.
This is a stage. Just a stage. The checking-to-see-if-Olivia-is-still-breathing stage + the car-seat-tantrum stage + the shhhhhh-the-baby’s-sleeping stage. It’s all a stage. Everything’s a stage. And every stage has a beginning + an end. Just a couple of weeks ago we got over the sleeping-in-two-hour-intervals stage, and I tell you the truth: I miss it a lil’ bit because it means my baby’s all grown up. She was so tiny, like, yesterday. What happened?
The years are long, but the days go by so so fast you guys.
Maybe we become. Slowly. Perhaps at some point down the road we all the sudden become worthy to be called “ma-ma-ma-ma” + wear the superhuman boss boots.
Or maaaay-be we unbecome. Gently. Perhaps we unlearn how to be Robocop-woman, and we just are the journey.
I think it’s the latter.
I trust it’s the latter. Because everyday I close my calendar of perfectionism + give myself permission to stay one more hour in my pijamas (or three) + to snuggle Olivia until we both become one breath + to watch one more episode of Modern Family with hubby (or a whole season) + to have a grilled cheese sandwich in bed… it gets easier. Life does.
I trust that a place in a galaxy not that far away exist, where I don’t have to give up my passion projects + I don’t have to say good-bye to those chubby little hands that like crawling up my chest from 9 to 5 from Monday through Friday. I don’t want to.
I believe there is a place where girl boss meets super mommy, for tea + ginger cookies. And they get along.
The girl boss has the backbone to stay on course + the firmness to keep going for her dreams. The super mommy has the softness to be grateful + the heart to stay grounded. We need both to guide us home.
The girl boss reminds the super mommy of her mission in this world, which is greater than herself. And the super mommy reminds the girl boss that the world doesn’t need more successful people, what it needs is more unconditional lovers + more people who read “Once upon a time…” stories.
They need each other. The girl boss + the super mommy do. I really believe that now.
My Top 20 Comeback Tips
Coming back to work after hibernating in maternity la-la-land has been sweet n’ sour.
After a long adjustment period, I really feel like I have found my happy rhythm. I don’t know that I’m quite there yet, since I still catch myself saying things like “I survived” or “Winter is coming”, but I’m definitively getting somewhere that’s not bad at all.
If you’re looking to return to work after a a sabbatical + you’re freaking out a little (or a lot), I made a list of a few things that helped me transition back into the keyboards. Smoothly. Without hyperventilating.
Here are some handy tips to make your return from maternity leave easier from a momma who’s just been there:
1. Plan It
If you don’t already run your life around a calendar now is the time to start. David and I both work + have a very hands-on approach to raising Olivia, so it’s nice to schedule date nights + trips. Things to look forward to in between the craziness of building our own brands + parenthood.
Of course, every family’s tolerance level is different. Ours, for example, doesn’t do well on a fixed hour-by-hour routine or controlled feeding feeding/napping schedule, but we have learned that we cannot go more than a week without a movie + we start to get really cranky if we don’t go to our beach house for long stretches of time. So, we make fun plans all the time. And those plans are locked down on the calendar.
We have also become very guarded of our social schedule + only plan for things we really REALLY want to do.
2. Share the Load
Whether you return to work 10 hours a week or 50, you will need to enlist the help of others to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Since we can’t add hours to our day when we return to work or have a Time-Turner like Hermione, we must make adjustments to our existing schedule to fit it all in.
I’m a big advocate of bring family onboard. I literally assign missions to everybody who offers a hand. My mom-in-law helps with the groceries. My sister is great at taking the night shift. Mom babysits during date nights. Auntie Kari distracts Olivia while mommy has lunch. Everyone has a role, an important role. It’s because of them that I’m still sane.
Like the saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I see it unfolds in front of my very eyes everyday.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help. It will not make you any less of a mother. I promise.
3. Find the Right Job
When I was returning to work, I made the mistake I see a lot of my gal pals make when going back. I undervalued myself. “I’ve been gone for 6 months.” “Everyone’s forgotten who I am.” “I have nothing to offer.”
Within weeks, I had mastered the art of working while Olivia was rolling around on her foamy play-thingy or family came to visit (ahem, ahem, babysit). Quickly I was feeling underutilized + bored. I had underestimated myself.
Being a mom doesn’t mean you’re all the sudden handicapped or sick. It just takes some re-adjustment + fine tuning.
Take some time to think about what you want to do + what your skills are + what your goals are for returning to work. Is this a return to full-time work that means pursuing a career until retirement, or is this a smaller return to increase your income while still prioritizing your family? What do you like to do? How much time can you give to a job? Can you work from home or would you rather separate the two?
Find a job that’s right for YOU. This is something you will want to talk with your partner, since it affect the whole family. So make sure to carve out time to involve hubby in the process.
4. Pass The Torch
Because I’m the boss of my own time, I tend to leave too many slots available for others people’s agendas + urgencies. I tend to overcommit. I’m that super volunteer people call when there’s an auction or a bake sale. It sucks.
Being a mom has taught me to let go of a few responsibilities, pass them on to someone else if you will. It’s been nice to finally have an excuse to excuse myself. Not that I needed one, but oh well.
5. Hire Help
Get someone in regularly to help out with cleaning + laundry + cooking or any day-to-day task that you dread doing now that time is of the essence.
Her name is Cati, our savor. She comes in weekdays from 8 to 5, and at the end of the day my floors are clean + the plants get watered + there’s homemade almond milk in the fridge. It’s AWESOME.
Plus, not only does hiring help alleviate your burden, you get to help out another working mom by hiring her. Extra AWESOME!
6. Don’t Worry
Try not to worry too much. Your baby will be fine + will not hold your ‘working mommy’ status against you. In fact, you well may turn out to be her role model. Take care + be kind to yourself. You deserve it!
7. Find Trustworthy Care Giver
Finding someone you can trust to take care of the baby in your absence is a big one. I feel very blessed to have family close by that I can count on to look after baby O when I have a doctor’s appointment or business meeting. You can always hire a nanny or find a close-by daycare, if family is not an option. But! Do your research + check references. Muy importante.
8. Pick the Feeding Method That’s Suits Your Family
I made the decision long ago that I wanted to breastfeed Olivia on demand. After overcoming a very rocky + painful start, I’m finally at that point were I really enjoy nursing. I LOVE that it requires no preparation, other than buttoning down my shirt. I LOVE that food is always available as long as we’re together. I LOVE how I feel when I see what my body is capable of doing.
Like that time we went to Vieques. Packing was so easy. And not having to worry about milk temperatures or sterilizing bottles at a remote hotel was lovely indeed.
Or like that other time we were stranded in traffic for 4 hours and 40 minutes coming back from the beach (a trip that usually takes us 1 hour + 20 minutes). No problem. Daddy just pulled over every time Oli wanted a little snack (wink). That was nice.
I really encourage expecting moms to think ahead + pick a feeding method that fits their lifestyle best.
Everyone knows I’m an avid list maker. Except now, besides making to-do lists, I make sure to circle in red the items that are top priority.
I’ve learned that not everything is an emergency, like updating my Facebook fanpage or alphabetizing my cookbook collection. If something can be done later, I put it on the back burner without guilt or shame. It’s an art. I think it comes with the hormones.
10. Learn to Say NO
When it comes to setting priorities + boundaries, I say NO many times. I’ve made it a habit.
Make NO your default setting. I know it sounds horrible, but look at it this way: Saying NO to stuff that’s not aligned with your big picture only means you get to say YES to what’s truly important. It’s called living with intention. And living in authenticity with your values is a beautiful thing.
11. Give Your Baby Quality Time
When I started taking a few clients here and there + getting back to blogging + going back to work in general after maternity leave, I made a pack with myself:
- Work stays in my studio.
- Set decent working hours.
- I will not take work home.
When I’m at work, I’m fully present. In my creative flow. The time I step out of my studio + enter my home, I devote it to my family. No working after dinner. No bringing my laptop to the beach. No inbox clean up in bed. No exceptions.
I think that’s one of the main reasons I don’t feel guilty about working or guilty about spending all this time with Olivia. It’s because I enjoy every instant I have with my virtual community + every slit second I get with my familia.
12. Have A Plan B
Sometimes, the best-laid plans can unravel. Tell me about is sistah!
It is possible that your nanny gets ill or the abuelita couldn’t get out of the office + cannot look after the baby as planned. Have a backup plan for such situations. I keep a little black book of options in case of emergencies – that friend you can always count on… that family member who keeps asking if you need an extra hand… that babysitter who can come to the rescue. It’s good to have options.
13. Look Your Best
You may have to buy a new wardrobe! Under no condition should you attempt to fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes. That’s a great recipe for disaster! Don’t go trying to stuff yourself into your pre-pregnancy clothes. Pick up some new clothes that will flatter your new body. You can also go for a haircut. Now will be a great time to try a new hairstyle. And while you are at it, get a facial + manicure + pedicure too!
14. Sleep, You’ll Need It
Once you return to work after maternity leave, you’ll truly understand what exhaustion feels like. Juggling work + family is one of the toughest jobs in the world. So, sleep whenever you can. That dirty bookshelf can be dusted later. That movie can be watched later. That pantry can be organized later. That homemade cake can be baked later. But you need sleep, NOW!
15. Practice Makes Almost Perfect
Before you jump into the workforce, do some practice runs. Let the babysitter try giving the baby milk out of a bottle. Let the nanny try bathing the baby without you. Let grandma put the baby to sleep without your aid. See what happens. Make adjustments. This will get you ready for the real thing.
16. Remember Why You Are Working
It may be because you need the money or because you need to work to stay sane. Whatever be the reason, remind yourself of it whenever you feel overwhelmed.
17. Let Go Of Momma Guilt
Guilt comes with the territory for most moms. Let go of it. Thousands of working moms manage to bring up amazing babies. My mom is a very successful lawyer. And I think she did pretty good.
Don’t beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself if you decide going back to work is the right thing for you.
18. There Is Life Besides The Baby (Hard To Believe, I Know)
No matter how much you love your baby, don’t make it the topic of all conversations. Your life may revolve around your baby, but others have different priorities.
Don’t blame your colleagues for not being interested in what your baby ate for dinner. Don’t blame your friends for not asking you to show them baby pictures. Don’t blame your husband if he wants to talk about something other than the baby’s poo color that day.
19. Don’t Compare Yourself With That Other Moms
Parenting is hard. Don’t compare. Make the best of the situation you + your partner picked. You will soon get into a routine. I promise it gets easier. I swear it gets easier.
20. Get Comfortable With The Stillness
My biggest shock getting back to work was realizing I would never be back, like as the Mayi from before Olivia I mean. Cuz, I used to be one of those bosses that was on call all the freaking time. For e-mails. For customer orders. For comments. For social media questions. For interviews. For round ups. For blog tours. For all nighters. For a catch up chat on Google Hangouts. I was there. Busy busy busy.
By removing all that busy work from my schedule I feared that my brand would fall apart. That I would no longer have friends. That I would PUFF, disappear from the radar.
For the first time in my life, I was forced to make room for emptiness. For alone time. For introspection. For my thoughts. Like when I’m nursing Olivia, I literally can’t do anything else. Don’t believe me? Go ask my Coordinator of Messy, Amanda Sue Howell. It’s true. Every time I try to send her a voice note to catch up on work while I’m breastfeeding or playing with Olivia, she let’s us know she’s not having the multi-tasking thing on her watch.
Being present requires work. Not busy work. Soul work.
In the words of Paul Jarvis (if you’re not signed up to his newsletter, you’re missing out big time): “When your work requires you to be creative, you need to be alone with your thoughts. You can’t get around it. You need the mental space to create.”
We prefer to fill up our days with social media + e-mails + WhatsApp messages + chores. It feels productive. But busyness rarely equals creativity.
Motherhood brings with it mandatory calmness. And with it the boundless possibility of an imaginative mind + an innovative spirit. We must sit though the discomfort, sometimes minutes… hours at a time just watching the baby sleep or ironing cute little clothes. It’s part of the job. And it pays creative dividends.
Stillness is not the ultimate punishment. It feels like it, but it’s the necessary path to true creative work that matters. Just wait + see all the stuff that I have lined up for us from all this quite time. Stay tuned!
Ultimately thou, there is no amount of preparation that can fully prepare you for the transition from full-time momma bear to world domination biz lady. I think the hardest part with any comeback is always the learning-to-trust-the-mess part.
Trust your husband to take care of things in my absence. So what if he put on the diaper wrong? Let him bond with the baby while you catch your breath!
Trust your mom/mom-in-law/sister/nanny to take care of things in my absence. So they don’t sing like you or dance like you or play like you? Do not micromanage! Your baby doesn’t need mommy clones. What your baby needs is a fun grandma. A crazy aunt. A silly God Mother. A loving cousin that sometimes doesn’t want to share his toys. That’s what will ultimately prepare the baby for the world. Diversity will.
Trust yourself to take care of things to the best of my abilities with a sense of worthiness. If you feel like you are not being as productive at work as you were before, don’t worry. You have just become a mother for God’s sake. It is a HUGE accomplishment. Give yourself time. And talk to other women who are going thought this process. It helps.
Trust. Takes practice.
To wrap up, here’s my final confession: I’ve changed. I’m more loose in the joints + chubbier on the cheeks + my eyes are a bit more wrinkly. In a lot of ways I’m uglier. Except to people who understand. Who get it. Who know what I’ve been through. To them, I’m prettier than ever before.
I’ll take it. It was all worth it.
It’s been therapeutic to write this. It really has. Thanks for sticking around till the end. Means so much to have a space to share this metaphorical Everest climb with.
Now I would like to hear from you. Are you returning to work after maternity leave? What is it you are worried about the most? What has helped you make the transition easier? Share it in the comments!
*This post is sponsored by Kate Spade NY. All content + ideas + words are my own.
Oh my goodness, I’ve been meaning to write this post for the longest time.
On June 26 at 1:06pm we welcomed into the world our lil’ munchkin Olivia Larrinaga Carles. When our hearts saw her for the first time, right there n’ there, we instantly knew that life was now finally even better than our wildest dreams. Like that Armageddon song goes, “I don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep, cuz I’ll miss you baby and I don’t want to miss a thing.”
She weight 7 pounds 10 ounces + measured 49 centimeters long, our little viking, leaving everyone wondering, “How the heck could such a big baby come out of such a small mama.” It must have been the late night banana milkshakes or daddy’s pasta parties, for sure. In any case, Olivia is the most darling little bundle ever. I know every mother says that, but it’s true, baby O truly is the beautifulest thing I’ve ever seen.
In this blog post I want to share with you a glimpse of what life with Olivia has been like this past month – my birth story + the challenges + the awesome parts.
Despite my best intentions to have an all-natural labor + all that pre-natal yoga training n’ medicine ball prep work, I ended up having a C-Section. Olivia’s umbilical cord was strapped across her chest like a Miss Universe name banner (or a seat belt) + every time she wanted to come out, the cord pulled her back in.
Worried about Olivia’s safety, I made the call I never thought I’d make… to allow my doctors to interfere.
I won’t lie, it was hard letting go of the birth I had prepared for + planned. I really wanted to be one of those moms who could proudly say, “Oh yeah, I experienced every emotion of going into labor without an epidural.” I’m not.
I wasn’t even able to keep Olivia with me, kiss her, hold her, rub her tiny little chest against mine, right after she was born. I had to wait it out in the recovery room. And that made me sad. It made me feel guilty. Ashamed to share my birth story even. I wanted to feel it all, not because of any societal pressure, but because I wanted to. I couldn’t.
In the end (and these might be the hormones speaking now), I feel so incredible blessed for the opportunity to be a mom to a perfectly healthy baby girl whose lashes would even make Minnie Mouse jealous. My princess, who grew symbiotically inside my body for 40 weeks + depends on my nourishment, nothing is more sacred + profound + challenging + surprising + exhausting + tender + loving or life-giving as this evolutionary impulse. And no C-Section was able to take that away from me.
I now know that all moms, no matter the type of birth their babies end up choosing, have the hardest and yet the most rewarding job in the world. We should never feel guilty or ashamed, because we are doing our best. And that is ALWAYS enough.
- C-Section Aftermath: Because of the operation, I’ve been a bit handicapped. I can’t do many of the thing a normal human being is meant to do, like bend over + take the stairs (I live in a two-story house) + pick up stuff from the floor + cook + drive + carry things, which is insane, considering I must care for a newborn, who obviously needs things that always seem to be located at the bottom drawer LOL.
- Breastfeeding: Don’t even get me started with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding makes labor day look like child’s play. I had a dream: To breast feed my mini Tetosaurus Tex exclusively. What Google + every lactation book I read didn’t tell me was how HARD + PAINFUL this would be. Thanks to nipple creams + nursing tea + More Milk Plus capsules + H2O + moral support + hubby’s back massages + mom’s famous “Resbaladera” recipe (which I posted on my Instagram @mayicarles), I’ve been able to survive, one day at a time, without ever having to sterilize a bottle or use formula, but not without meltdowns.
- Oh No! Spilling Milk: I have nightmares about leaking milk while showering. Dumping that milk down the drain is the most painful thing in the galaxy. Feels like I’m washing away liquid gold. Definitively tear worthy.
- Sleep Deprivation: These days alarm clocks are a thing in the past. Now, I’ve got my very own wake up cutie pie. And she comes with a revolutionary 100% fail-proof anti-snooze system. If I’m lucky, I’m able to sleep 3 hours a day – 15 minutes here + half an hour there. Olivia sleeps just fine, for 2 hour stretches during the day + 3-4 hour stretches at night, but momma is too excited sewing Frida-style headbands + pinning baby clothes + reading about breast milk storage techniques to sleep when baby sleeps. I need to keep working on this one because I don’t think mama zombie is very sustainable.
- Unused Furniture: Yeahhhh, so Olivia hates her crib. That can be a problem, right? If you know a good spell to fix that please dial firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment below. I will be forever grateful. And the crib will too, she’s feeling so unloved right now. In the meantime, the three of us will happily continue to co-sleep in our king size bed.
- Nights are Scary: Days, I feel like I can always manage. Oh man but when the sun is setting + the moon is rising I feel like “Winter is coming”, and hell will break lose. One night, the power went off + I swear to God I didn’t think I was going to make it. I must have breast feed Oli though her ear + put on her pajama backwards. I can’t believe I survived to tell the tale.
- Not So Basic No More: Even the basic things like eating + showering have become a luxury affair. I can’t remember the last time I sat down for a nice meal without being interrupted by a diaper change or the last time I had spare time to shave my legs in the shower.
- Clock is Always Ticking: Now that Olivia is born, I feel like I have a constant mental clock running in your head. OK, I just fed the baby + laid her down, so that gives me 2 hours to grocery shop. Start the time NOW.
- Limited Wardrobe: I was looking forward to fitting back inside my not-fat clothes after pregnancy, but now days the only outfit criteria is: Will I or will I not be able to get my boob out of my shirt successfully without spilling milk everywhere or damaging myself in the process? Looks like I’ll be wearing that one shirt I’ve got with a zipper + that other button down dress A LOT. Maybe this earns me the right to go online shopping, don’t you think?
On The Bright Side
- This New Workout Rules: While my friends are busy doing an hour of spinning or Zumba, I’m here laying on my couch, watching So You Think You Can Dance + nursing. And guess who’s burning more calories? That’s right! Breastfeeding, the only weight-loss program that increases your breast size.
- License to Eat: Through the miracle of breastfeeding, those hamburgers I’m eating are finally going to someone else’s thighs.
- Smells Like Heaven: The house smells like baby’s bottom. What candle can do that?
- Ready For Anything: In the event of a zombie Apocalypse, knowing I don’t have to run to the store to buy formula because all Olivia needs are my boobs makes me feel pretty darn epic!
- I Get To Play Doll Everyday, All Day: Matching dresses with headbands is my new occupation.
- Look At All Those Gifts My Goodness: I already knew Olivia’s aunties + friends where awesome, but seriously, the amount of gifts she’s received from all over the world is ridiculous + pretty amazing. We’re beyond grateful for all the love + thoughtfulness.
- Seeing My Mom n’ Dad Get Promoted to Grandparent: Priceless.
- Best Excuse: I have the best exit strategy in the world. Saying “No Thanks” to things that are not top priority right now has never been so easy + guilt-free. Not that I needed an excuse to say “I’ll pass” in the first place.
- Look I Can Eat With Only One Hand: Cirque Du Soleil be like… holy Guacamole she’s pretty good!
- Funny Moments: Like that one time (or more like five times) I realized I’d been walking around the house for half-an-hour with one boob hanging out. Oopsie daisies! Or that other time when hubs had to babysit Olivia for 7 minutes without supervision + when I came back Olivia had chocolate in her hand. WTF?
- Pediatrician Check-Ins: Felt amazing to see Olivia getting weighed at the doctor’s office + gaining 2 pounds in just one month. Yeah! Look what I did! Mom’s milk power, baby! Cue cheering in my own head as I leap onto an imaginary pedestal + accept my gold medal for most powerful breast milk ever.
- Support: Motherhood has connected me with so many moms out there. It’s a beautiful thing to compare victories + letdown times with other mothers. Makes me feel like I’m not alone. Like we’re in this, together.
- I Love My Family: I love my family for making sure my fridge has food + my bathroom has toilet paper. I love my family for caring for Olivia while I’m brushing my teeth or publishing a new Life is Messy Bootcamp lesson. I love my family for guarding the door like Navy Seals so no unwanted guests (like people who are coughing or have dirty hands) could move pass the front line to visit Olivia. I love my family for showing me how to be a mom, not telling me, but SHOWING me. I love my family more than ever!
- Date Nights Feel Extra Special: They say that when mom + dad are happy, baby is happy. It’s soooo true. There might be a million things changing around us since we became a party of three, but not our commitment to one another. David + I have even made a pact to go on at least one date a week. Going to the movie theater or checking out a new pizza place in town has never felt so romantic + momentous.
- My Heart Grew BIGGER: I never knew how much I loved my husband until I saw how much he loved our baby. I truly fell even more in love with David when I saw him become a father. Watching him watch her has been the most amazing gift.
- Magic Powers: I think of breast milk as magic. If my baby is crying + fussy + whimpering + angry + tired, or otherwise not acting like her normal happy self? Time to nurse! Boom, whole new baby. Magic.
- Doing Nothing: Maternity leave is my fave. Can you say guilt-free Instagram time?
Thanks for letting me share this magical moment with you. After all you’re my virtual family!
I’m not exactly sure where this new chapter will take me or the natural evolution this blog will undergo, but I’m excited to use this down time with baby Olivia to explore all the abundance that’s possible. Hopefully, you’ll wanna come along for the ride with us, because it won’t feel the same without ya’.
This is it for now.
I’ll be back (said like Terminator).